who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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