In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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