you guys were way drunker than both of me
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
