So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
