I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize