Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
