U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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