It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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