What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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