I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
