You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
