butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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