dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
