Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
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