If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
