is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
