And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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