Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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