Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
