bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
