It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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