you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
