I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
