She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
