Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Randomize
