Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize