remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
