we have officially lost it.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
