If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
