I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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