well I can't set my house on fire every night
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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