a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
How does one acquire holy water?
Randomize
