Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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