I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
