I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
