btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
its not stalking. its research.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
