She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
