we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
