I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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