2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I believe in your delicious
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
