Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
