You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
