Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
