I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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