so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Never joke about your clitoris.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
