Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
