Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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