This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
