And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
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