Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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