Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
