Dude my mom stole all your condoms
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
