I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
