apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
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