oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
