Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
