home. puking in laundry basket.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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