At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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