I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
