They should really pass out barf bags in church
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
