i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
