Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I need moral support for this bender
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
