tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
