I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
