The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
