so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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