You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
