Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
