I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
