So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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